I can't imagine the chain of events this maguro set off
It all started with a seemingly innocent sushi craving. I was in a heinously boring meeting, when I turned to my co-worker and suggest we go get sushi for lunch to revive our brains which were dangerously close to reaching a vegetable state.
The sushi restaurant is a five minute walk from the office – an assumingly safe form of transportation. Think again.
Two hours after lunch had occurred, I was in an important discussion with my boss when I put my hand on my knee. To my dismay, I felt crust instead of the smooth denim I was expecting. I looked down to find that a bird had decided to use me as its shitting target. I had a streak down the whole front of my jeans, and the last time I was outside had been walking back from sushi. I tried to be optimistic, thankful my head didn’t take the hit. But after today, my optimism is down the toilet.
The next day, the notice came; my apartment manager was giving us a 48-hour heads up that they were going to be inspecting appliances in all of the townhouses in our complex. I’m sure that’s shiesty-property-management speak for “making sure we don’t have a growing operation.” We have nothing to hide, really –oh except for our cute little dog, who is an illegal occupant. We refuse to pay the $550 deposit and $25/month pet rent. They should instate child rent – kids can reach and damage far more things than a pet ever could. They’re just as greasy and slimy as pets. So therefore, until this charge is instated, I’m boycotting.
So we thought, “Hey. Let’s just take him to doggie daycare at Petsmart (which is one block from work). Twenty bucks is cheaper than $550 plus.”
Except Petsmart requires all dog’s to have a Bordatella vaccine, and our record of this particular shot has conveniently disappeared. We could have gotten him re-vaccinated beforehand, but they require all pets to be updated on all vaccines a full 48 hours before being dropped off, but at that point, we only had 24 hours until the inspection. So Doggie Daycare was no longer an option.
Then thankfully, my boyfriend’s parents graciously took in our dog to cover our cheap butts. However, this required me to drive 40 miles before I headed in to work today.
Then the fun began. On my way back to work, I realized I hadn’t sufficiently hid Bowser’s toys and I had forgotten my lunch at home. I called my boyfriend, asking him to hide the toys and bring me my lunch once I got to work, and he did the former and not the latter. Which made for a more irritating day (although he did buy me a piece of pizza to make up for it – kudos honey! I'm sure he did this for his own survival, as he knows how I get when I'm hungry).
I arrived to work an hour late, which forced me to cancel my after-work running date with a friend, and opted to work out in the gym on my lunch instead. Then I had forgotten my gym bag in the car. Once I got to the car, I realized I didn’t have the keys and they were back at my desk.
Once I was dressed in my gym clothes, I thought I finally had everything under control. But then I realized I left my ipod at my desk too. I got all the way back to my desk a second time. And by the time I got on the treadmill, I realized I had forgotten the most important workout accessory of all: my asthma inhaler. I said screw it and spent my workout trying to fend off an asthma attack, which required me to cut my run a mile short and I was a sweaty heaping, breathless mess afterwards.
As if I could forget something else, once I was in the shower washing my hair, I realized that forgot my hairbrush at home. So I had to let my hair dry nappy.
Want to hear how it gets EVEN WORSE? I have an interview with one of our top executives in ten minutes. AND it’s the first time I’m meeting him. Our executives are pretty normal people, and if I had already been on first name basis it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but on your first meeting, you want to make an impression—build a report. Who wants to build a report with someone that looks homeless?
Sticks and stones may break my bones but don’t ever crave sushi. It will set off a chain of events that you can’t stop!!